Ideas and Synopsis

[opentarget]

while i agree mutiny is inevitable if I dont get my finger out and get things moving, I would ask for another chance...

the original idea was to get people to contribute to the story end of the project so everyone felt included in the story development, while it was a great idea it seams to have fallen flat with very low responses from the forum users.

there is defiantly interest out there but people dont seam to want to contribute in the way we have set up at the start.
i propose that people should send in synopsis or ideas on a short that they would really love to see made, you can use any of the inspirational words from the other posts in the CAP section of the forum or you can start afresh whichever you chose.
send us screen plays or notes or just concepts...anything!

we will then put things to the vote and whichever comes out top wins the prize of the weight of the community working to tell your story!

so post up some ideas in THIS new CAP thread "Ideas and Synopsis"

[Hirazi Blue]

As someone needs to get this (re)started, I'll kick off with an idea I've been toying with...
Style: not very realistic
Story: to be decided yet

Concept: two people walking their dogs & meeting. Interaction on two levels: humans talking & dogs doing what dogs do best (playing/sniffing, you get the picture). The possibilities would be endless, as the human interaction and the interaction between the dogs do not necessarily match (I know this from experience... )

How you would go about and turn this into a little story I haven't got a clue yet...

Feel free to post something better!!! But please do!

[opentarget]

thanks hizari,
I am currently working on 2 ideas that i hope to pitch by the end of the week.
both ideas are fairly well developed so far but id like to be sure before i post up here for all to see.
just as a teaser the names for the projects are:

First Bus
(this is an idea i developed some time ago and due to work it got put to the side, id like to run it past you all to see if yous think its worth the effort of the community.

and

DinDins (another idea from a while back, i hope to have a legible synopsis very soon)
stay tuned ill post one up by Wednesday and the other by Saturday.

please post your ideas no matter what state of development its in...if we dont know about your project ideas we might be missing out on a gem!

[opentarget]

idea number 1 from me.


First Bus:

Synopsis

Shane and Wilson are both well to do middle aged business men.

They live in a very fancy apartment complex on the edge of a stunning high rise metropolitan city. They occupy the two penthouse apartments right at the top of the building directly adjacent to each other.

They have a lot in common but they are too proud to befriend each other, instead they have a deep unspoken rivalry that never really flares into an argument but usually fizzles out with a snide looks and assuming stares.

Every morning the two men get the first bus of the day to work. They have meticulously structured their morning rituals to the very second to make sure that they are at the bus stop in time. The men are so alike that their morning rituals are timed to exactly the same beat.

Wake Up/ Shower/ Breakfast/ Read the paper/ Coffee/ Dress/ Go!

Both men do these things at exactly the same time as each other as if they were synchronized!

But today they are destined to miss their bus, thanks to a beautiful unknowing unsuspecting Lady that both men fall for...is this what could finally bring these two men to blows?

[redmotion]

Hi guys! (Don't think that the length of this post means I have loads of time on my hands. I don't! This was written on my phone on the way home on the bus!)

Ok, I like both ideas so I'm going to try to elaborate on them a little (as you've requested)...

Park idea

I suppose a way to approach that is (during the first ten seconds) to describe the park as filled with people trying to look impressive. You could have a tramp asleep on a bench. He spends many days in the park but as the impressive dog walkers walk by even their dogs look at him in disgust.

From the trash in the bin next to him he ends up building a "trash dog"(female). And decides to take it for a walk. All the walkers we saw earlier are now seated on benches. As he walk past, pretending to be impressive, the humans take no notice. The dogs do however. And once the tramp reaches the end and walks off stage left we hear lots of barking and a cry of fear. Then he runs past left to right being chased by all the dogs we saw earlier followed closely behind by their now very much less impressive looking owners.

First bus

You could have a split view for the apartments, the front doors, the bathroom, the dinner table, the kitchen etc, the bus stop (emphasis on TIME! TIME! TIME! perhaps they are always checking the time on every clock- in fact they even distrust some clocks.). They could be doing their routine. Doing up their ties, shaving, eating, reading finance news etc. Between each activity, checking their watches. All good (non-vocal) animation subject matter, conveying their (slightly) individual characters. (could possibly avoid showing even a walk cycle). Maybe repeat the cycle 3 times with variation.

On the second cycle, we see The lady who turns their heads at the bus stop. We just see the legs, high heels and swish of the skirt and maybe their reactions. On this and the next cycle they think better of assisting her onto the bus. But on the fourth, they decide to help (both at the same time). (This could be the last scene where the seperation on the screen into two disappears) They are so busy fighting each other to be the one to offer her assistance onto the bus (and loosing all their composure, pomp, appearance and time keeping simultaneously) that she gets on by her self and it drives off without them.

[opentarget]

ahh redmotion you practicly read my mind with what you have said!!
here is a little more development on the charicters:

Shane and Wilson

Shane and Wilson are two middle aged business men. They are a little disgruntled with life being workaholics that have let there best years pass them but they keep at it. Physically they are opposits, they don't really like each other but are unsure why, the never speak and have a personal unspoken rivalry. They dress alike in fancy clothes but the colour of their tailored suits is quite different, Shane's suit is light brown and Wilson's is black.
Both men fall for the same unsuspecting woman at the bus stop one morning and this brings the rivalry bubbling to the surface.

Lady

The Beautiful Lady that triggers Shane and Wilson's fight is a young business woman, very attractive with straw blond hair and dressed in a fitted grey skirt suit. She is engrossed in her book at the bus stop and doesn't notice the duel being fought by the two men in her name. She is career driven and would have very little interest in ether man even if she did see what was going on.



I have a screenplay that i will post up asap

[opentarget]

my next idea is called "Din Dins"

it tells the story of a lazy vampire who is out of shape and living in a filthy apartment.
he spends his time online trying to lure goth girls to his apartment to feed on as he is so lazy that he has given up going out on the hunt.

One morning "or evening for him" he goes to the fridge and sees that he is all out of blood and organs and reluctantly he logs online to try to persuade his latest victim to his trap....to no avail.

frustrated he goes to his local phone book directory and flips through to his fast food section...a lot of the pages filled with chippers and Chinese and Indian and pizza places have been crossed out from the book showing the places that he has called before. one place remains, a pizza joint...he reluctantly rings for a pizza.

when the delivery guy turns up he is a disgusting horrible looking guy who is very rude, but then again fast food weather it be actual pizza or just the delivery guy himself is never good food.

he attacks the guy and fills his fridge with blood and organs and dumps the remainder of the body in the dumpster down the road, piles of uneaten pizza and take away cartons stacked high around the bin....

thats it. simple but gory and quite dark and funny id say.

[redmotion]

Nice one.

Thoughts:
- perhaps he doesn't kill his victims... Maybe on the website all the previous dates have given him a bad rating leaving messages like "biter" or "bites" or "bit me." or "obsessed with my neck", etc. Perhaps when he tries to send a message to a new contact a dialog pops up for him saying "you have been barred from Gothicgirldate.com for a month because you have such a low approval score. Please contact the administrator..." Aggghhh!!!!
- he could invite the delivery guy into his house. Gives him a beer. And keeps trying sit next to him. Could be quite slapstick as his prey keeps (without intending to) evading capture (maybe delivery man has really strong lens's in his glasses so vampire just can't make the hypotism work. So maybe he's trying to loose the glasses, just to get to "frist base"...)
- maybe less gore and more laughs... (just my personal preference mind).

[opentarget]

really nice take on the din dinds idea, maybe he fales so bad that the victim runs off...and we see the vambire deciding to try to eat the pizza...or eating the pizza because he has no other choice. good input man. that could make it far stronger.

[redmotion]

I like that.

Final scene = him, alone on the sofa, looking around - desperate - what to do?? - then he looks at the pizza lying open on the table, expression of horror creeping over his face - cut to pizza - back to face - and finally his (very pale) hand reaching towards it - end titles.

(or maybe cut to pizza again - pepperoni missing - end titles)

EDIT: Good thing about this idea is we only have one set and two characters.

[aminate]

This sounds Great, I'd like to join in! I'm an animator, but I can also help out with whatever else.

[redmotion]

Good to have you on board, aminate. Hope you've not been discouraged by the lack of activity on this thread.

So anyway, another bus journey and some more frantic scribbling. I present.... a first draft....of Din-Dins...

Turn away now if you don't want to know what (might) happen...

EDIT: second draft further down the thread.

Code: Select all

Storm clouds gather above the silhouette of a large mansion (creepy and haunted-looking, the clichéd look). The camera moves in through The front gates and towards the large imposing front door. (Titles?)

We then pass through the rooms of a grand mansion (which are dusty, cobwebbed and unkept) arriving finally at the portrait painting of an imposing looking man.(The music for this sequence is deep, rich, grand,classical and foreboding.) The figure is dressed and groomed like royalty (classic head vampire look, chiselled jawline), he looks like someone who doesn't suffer fools gladly. He looks as though he considers himself serious and superior. There is a name plaque below but the years of birth and death are obscured by grime and cobwebs. Either side of the painting are purple curtains with a golden pull cord. (This is the Lounge).

The music rises up and we linger on his image, gradually zooming in towards the eyes of a man who could conquer a nation with this gaze.

Then the camera suddenly swipes rapidly down to a teenager (VampireGuy) sitting at a computer, tapping frantically. Very little - if any - of the presence or 'command-of-an-entered-room' is apparent with this young man. His tongue is sticking out and he keeps swiping his shoulder-length, unruly brown hair out of his face while still trying to type with a free hand. He has the chisled looks of his father, but none of the posture.

Around him, only the area directly around his computer desk and chair seems clean and well kept. The rest resides in various states of dust and grime.

He swigs something from an expensive looking silver goblet (blood). As he sets it down, we see an almost empty bottle of 'bottled blood' next to it.

He takes a drag from a cigarette that smolders on a tarnished Ming dynasty saucer. Wiping watery looking blood from his chin with his sleave. Face lit only by the illumination from his monitor. When he smiles occasionally (replacing look of concentration) we see he has fangs.

We then see his computer screen.

He is scanning through pictures of girls on a social networking/dating website. Each one is opened with an expectant 'ah' and upon reading each rejection message utters a dejected 'oh'. The camera focusing in on the comments about him. Like 'biter' and 'likes to bite', all have thumbs-down ratings.

His mobile phone suddenly beeps (maintaining the frantic pace) and he gasps, stands up, frantically checking it, pacing up and down. .'Ah' he exclaims and opens the new message from a mystery number. 'Oh' he remarks as it reads 'this weekend two-for-one on mens clothing at Cool Clothing Boutique'.

He returns to the computer (takes another swig of blood) and tries to search for a new date. He scrolls through, stops at one he likes and clicks on the contact button. After a tense pause a message beeps up: 'access denied. Your thumbs down rating is TOO LOW! Try cooling off, take a break from dating and come back another time!'

He puts his hands over his face. Throws back his head. Panics and In his exasperation smokes a cigarette Like mad and then gulps down what's left in the goblet.

And its that, the shot we see of The empty goblet that acts as the symbol that he has no more blood. Reinforced by his look of horror in between this shot (or hand over the face and head flung back again.)

He then goes through about three repeats of appearing to formulate an idea in his head that he likes (looking optimistic like all his troubles are over) and then after consideration, changing his mind (shaking his head in grim realisation -'of course not').

He then closes the webpage and as he does so an advert pops up. "Local Pizza delivery 'with a smile' ". The advert shows a beautiful delivery girl holding a pizza.

Ding! The idea forms. Order a pizza, invite the delivery girl into his house.... Dinner is served. We see him imagining her sultrily silhouette leaning against the porch door as he opens it.

Snapping back to reality he glances around. Picks up the phone and dials. Next he is putting a post-it note on the monitor 'pepperoni - delivery 930'. He glances up at the clock '830'. Then his eyes catch his fathers gaze from the portrait. A slight blush graces his pale cheeks and a look of embarrassment crosses his face. 
So he gets up and closes the curtains by pulling the cord, obscuring the view of The 'great man'.

He sits back down and gazes intently at the image of The advert. Kisses the screen.

He leans back and closes his eyes, smiling.

Next thing the doorbell goes.'Ahhh!' He yelps - he's not ready. He zooms about at high speed trying to tidy himself and the living room.

The bell goes again. He shoots to the door, takes A deep breath and opens it. Instead of a cute delivery girl he finds the overweight, filthy, unshaven sight of the pizza delivery guy. His hair and cap hide his mouth and eyes (so the vampire stare doesn't work).

We see his dilemma, (he almost slams the door) - the pizza girl, The delivery guy, The pizza girl, The delivery guy - then the view of The empty goblet. Needs Blood!

'Your pizza, do you want it, or shall I have it?' Deliveryman askes, slowly and without any enthusiasm whatsoever, adding 'That's 10 bucks.' The only full piece of dialogue (his mouth is obscured by a thick biker-type beard/moustache). He puts forward two outstretched arms, one containing an upturned palm and the other; a pizza box.

VampireGuy motions for him to wait there, then disappears and then reappears. Ushering him into the hallway.

Then into the lounge and then to the sofa.

He shoots over the cabinet and pretends to look through the drawers for money. We see they are all empty. The last drawer contains A knife and fork (accented musically with sort of hysterical strings)

He closes it. Then Whirls around to find the delivery man standing right behind him, apparently motionless.

So he then tries to use the vampire stare (shown with whirling eyes). We see the delivery man just standing there unphased. He holds out his hand again.

Vampire man shoots past him and looks inside a wardrobe and is stopped again by the delivery guy who just appears next to him again, arms outstretched. Vampire guys startled. He tries the stare again. Again nothing.

He shoots over to the sofa, looking under the cushions and finally finds a ten dollar bill. He goes to turn around and again delivery guy suddenly appears next to him. DeliveryGuy snatches the bill from his hand. VampireGuy looks down at his empty palm and when he looks up but the delivery man is gone. (we never see the delivery man walk, he just seems to zip around but we never see him move) His motion is as still and slow as possible to contrast the dynamic movements of vampire guy.

So in the last scene we see vampire guy sitting on The sofa staring in horror at the pizza. Last shot closeup of pizza.

Roll credits

Show pizza without pepperonI

Remaining credits

Thoughts about how to make it better or shorter (small or big tweaks or offering a different script!) are welcome. Maybe this will take it further!

[aminate]

naa, I have't been detoured, and I like the script. It was actually very enjoyable to read, and very well illustrated.

I'm liking a lot of the script, but had to think twice about having any dialog. I guess it could really go either way, but maybe we could get away with just mumbles,grunts and groans. just and Idea though, It's great either way.

One hole I do see in the story is with the dating site and the ratings from previous girls/dates. I suspect, being a vampire that the dates he does pick up from the site don't exactly make it back home afterwards. Obviously then not being able to leave a rating. But who knows, I almost think it's something that will just go right over the viewers head, Or just be filled in with the viewers imagination.

and Just to throw some more ideas out there.

the beginning seems kinda long and boring. the story and background obviously need to be set, but maybe there's other way to go about it. I personally like it when a 'short' starts off with character work, to grab attention. Then through introducing conflict, emerges a background story/character background (conflict being no more blood, and background story being the painting of his father/grandfather/whomever and overall character persona) It could be fun to at one point have him go check the fridge for more blood and while on his way, passing through a hallway with generations of great and mighty vampires. -a fridge shot could be really fun too, I picture a shot of the fridge opening to something similar to a Ren and Stimpy cartoon when they show a closeup of a horse's/Guys face very disgusting, gross, and detailed.

empty fridge - storms off back to his computer through the hallway again. (maybe cause he's so lazy, both the hallway shots are of him rolling across sitting in his desk chair.

Maybe (and this is probably more storyboard stuff) but when he's imagining the smoking hot pizza delivery girl delivering pizza to him, we could have the camera tighten in on a 'thought cloud' above his head to a 2D/or 3D (I know this is about softimage) animation of the smoking hot pizza girl delivering a pizza to his door. Similar to "Oktapodi" http://vimeo.com/4352688 at about 28 seconds in.

I think everything else is golden. Great job with a 1st draft. Hopefully we can get some more input. But even so, how it is already, I really like it.

Anybody else?

All the Best!

[redmotion]

Thanks for your thoughts! I agree with most of what you said actually. The start is boring. Ditch the dialogue altogether, sure. I like the fridge being in the story (shouldn't have taken it out). I think its a very graphic way to explain the depletion of his blood stocks! So, with that said, I've rewritten the start. Let me know what you think.

Code: Select all

DRAFT 2

Opening shot is the blood bottle close up. It's sitting on a desk. It's almost empty. A drip of blood runs down the side and settles on the desktop.

Title: Din Dins 

Vampire guy reaches over and picks up the bottle and drains setting it down on the desk empty.

Then we see him at the computer. But we don't see the screen just his expressions as he surfs away.(hopefully this shows us his character, perhaps he is easily frustrated by computers). ) Maybe we see also him trying out his vampire stare at the screen throwing his head back and laughing (semi) triumphantly (sort of similar to the classic dracula laugh but without any real presence) - it's a bit of weak laugh to be honest - his dad wouldn't have been impressed. He also smiles to reveal his fangs in this initial introduction.)

He picks up the bottle again tries to drink and realizes it's empty.

He goes to the fridge (blood bank) I think it's totally pristine inside. Everything around is grubby, even the fridge exterior. 

I suppose we could have his fathers portrait above the fridge.(fridge sits in the fireplace?) He can see his fathers disapproving gaze and we can see him effected by it for the first time. In the portrait his father is dressed and groomed like royalty (classic head vampire look, chiselled jawline, pale skin, deep set eyes, etc), he looks like someone who doesn't suffer fools gladly. He looks as though he considers himself serious and superior. A plaque beneath it reads "Staken from us..." but the rest is obscured by grime.

Perhaps he sees the gaze from portrait, then glances at the empty bloodbottle then back at the portrait with a weak, apologetic smile. (He knows his father would be appalled by "young vampires today")

He opens the fridge door. There is one bottle left. He takes it, puts the empty inside then sits back down at the computer.

(Passage of time) - we get a shot similar to the opening one where he takes a swig from the new bottle and sets it back down. Then fade to the bottle with one mouthful left. Again he drinks, then realises its finished and goes to the fridge.

This time he is ashamed enough to decide to pull the cord to draw the curtains over the portrait.

Opening the fridge this time he finds all the bottles are empty, of course. Gasp! Looks around. Maybe he tries to shake a couple of drips left in the bottle.

He puts the empty inside, slams the door (or leaves the door ajar). Frantically looks around. Back to the computer and here we see him log into the date website. (This way it makes it clearer his motivation for being on the website in the first place?)

(Perhaps to make it even more obvious it could be a website where girls and men who want to be bitten by vampires go to hook up with one - like a strange fetish/networking site! - assume vampires don't actually have to drain their victims completely to get their fill. Have you guessed that I'm a True Blood fan yet?)

Comments could be more varied like "nothing but blood to drink". "ordered a pizza but ate all the topping", "didn't clean his fangs" and "his place was a wreck and his sofa ate my ten dollars".

(****EDIT: I've added the shortened second part below now. ****)

Code: Select all

He tries to search for a new date. He scrolls through the search results, stops at one he likes and clicks on the contact button. After a tense pause a message beeps up: 'Access Denied!! Your thumbs down rating is TOO LOW! Try cooling off, take a break from dating and come back another time!'

He puts his hands over his face. Throws back his head in despair.

He then closes the webpage and as he does so an advert pops up. "Local Pizza delivery 'with a smile' ". The advert shows a beautiful delivery girl holding out a pizza.

Ding! The idea forms. Order a pizza, invite the delivery girl into his house.... Dinner is served. We see him imagining her sultrily silhouette leaning against the porch door as he opens it.

Snapping back to reality he glances around. Picks up the phone and dials. Next he is putting a post-it note on the monitor 'pepperoni - delivery 930'. He glances up at the clock '830'. 

He sits back down and gazes intently again at the image of the advert. Looks up to the ceiling, hands clasped as if in prayer.

He leans back and closes his eyes.

Next thing the doorbell goes.'Ahhh!' He yelps - he's not ready. He zooms about at high speed trying to tidy himself and the living room. (Did an hour go past or did he fall asleep? Does he glance at the clock? 929?)

The bell goes again. He shoots to the door, takes a deep breath and opens it. Instead of a cute delivery girl he finds the overweight, filthy, unshaven sight of the pizza delivery guy. His hair and cap hide his mouth and hair or sunglasses hide his eyes (so the vampire stare doesn't work (and the animation is easier)).

We see his dilemma, (he almost slams the door) - the pizza girl? The delivery guy? The pizza girl? The delivery guy? He Needs Blood!! (He looks back into the house, we see the fridge, with door ajar, an empty bottle rolls out)

Deliveryman, slowly and without any enthusiasm whatsoever, holds up the bill for $10. He puts forward two outstretched arms, one containing an upturned palm and the other; a pizza box.

VampireGuy reaches into his pockets, pulls out the linings, no money! He ushers deliveryguy into the hallway, then into the lounge and then to the sofa.

He shoots over the cabinet and pretends to look through the drawers for money. We see they are all empty. The last drawer contains A knife and fork (accented musically with sort of hysterical strings)

He closes it. Then Whirls around to find the delivery man standing right behind him, apparently motionless. He jumps back.

So he then tries to use the vampire stare (shown with whirling eyes). We see the delivery man just standing there un-phased. He holds out his hand again.

Vampire man shoots past him and looks inside a wardrobe and is stopped again by the delivery guy who just appears next to him again, arms outstretched. Vampire guys startled. He tries the stare again (it looks like he's straining to lift something heavy this time and goes red in the face). Again nothing.

He shoots over to the sofa, looking under the cushions and finally finds a ten dollar bill. He goes to turn around and again delivery guy suddenly appears next to him. DeliveryGuy snatches the bill from his hand (or from the sofa before VampireGuy can get it). VampireGuy looks down at his empty palm and when he looks up but the delivery man is gone. (we never see the delivery man walk, he just seems to zip around but we never see him actually move about) His motion is as still and slow as possible to contrast the more dynamic movements of vampire guy.

So in the last scene we see vampire guy sitting on the sofa staring in horror at the pizza. Last shot closeup of pizza.

Roll credits

Show pizza again, without pepperoni.

Remaining credits.

[Hirazi Blue]

Agreement all around???
Let me move this thing forward...
Could the huge following of the CAP live with the idea that "Din Dins" will be the concept to use? If not, please protest within one week. If no serious protests (with a genuinly better idea!) is being put forward within that period, I suggest, we make it official...

And move on to the next stage (that has already started) of refining the idea further...

Let's move along... If only to officially advance beyond the hurdle the first CAP somehow couldn't take

[opentarget]

woo hoo! great im all for din dins, and i love the version you have posted.
im game ball to move forward with this.